Of forks,knives and spoons

on public demand I write this...
If I suck then curse this lady who said "we write our best wen we r drunk"

Anyways my mind has loads of things running in it..like a perfect cocktail..U know i don't like cocktails.why do they mix up things. its like those remixes songs I can't bear.

You know my life has been full of culture shocks. And nostalgia peeping in me is pushing me to write abt that.

When I entered boarding school and begun to learn the culture of forks,knives and spoons.The story ahead is about my lyf then. The year 1993.

->The first word I heard in the school was "Pin-drop-Silence". A teacher shouted it at all of us and then there was sudden whole lot of lull.Think of a guy who came from a hindi medium school and has to connect first three words like pin, drop and silence in a hard core english medium school.

->mathematical tables were so hard to learn.specially the eighteen and the seventeen. And the recitation is even more stupid. eighteen-eight-zaa-one-hundred-forty-four and it goes on. Standing out of the maths class in Class 3 was a common phenomenon then.

->We wrote letters to our home. We had a period dedicated to letter writing.Every letter was same except in the last where we had to send regards to our elders and in the youngsters part we filled in the name of our sisters,brothers and cousins.But all parents thought it as a truly customized letter instead of a mass-production one!

->Last the concept of how a child is born was so puzzling to us. We had all ideas borrowed from movies. It began that when the actor kisses the actress the child is born. Then it went on to mere sleeping. Then further on and on. Then the seniors tell u the truth. Lastly the biology teacher puts a seal on the puzzle.

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Its not just a biography

I am not good in English because I was born in a small town in Bihar. My parents could not afford to send me outside my hometown(read:homevillage) to pursue my education.But I have learned the mathematical tables from 1 to 20 very well. Probably that is the only thing I know fully by heart, apart from The Hanumaan Chaalisa(the forty lines prose sung in praise of Lord Hanuman).

But you know I like the English language very much. I don't know all of the Hindi alphabets(they are too many of them) but I remember all twenty six of the English ones and also one word each alphabet like A for apple and X for X-mas.

There is one neighbour of mine-very smart guy. He studied in a convent school in Dehradun. You know he recently married a girl who is not even of his caste. The girl came to our village last week. She is so-very good looking and I am also sure that one day when I learn English and talk English I will get a good girl.I tried talking to her and she was so good mannered. But all the old women(grannies of our village) gossip ill about her which I don't like.

Anyways, once my craving to learn the English language went beyond limits that I asked our landlord's son to bring some English movie cassette.But to my dismay the movie was a cheap one and I overheard- they call it a blue movie. Its one bad things about English-speaking people that they promote public display of affection far beyond extent. I don't like it.

Yesterday I asked my teacher the ways to improve English. He said to read English newspapers. So I bought this "Times of India". Yes even my village has accessibility to Times of India. Every news I read was either of rape or eve-teasing or "Kareena Kapoor-looking-hot" or "some gay parade". I didn't enjoy it.

I will talk about my dream. I dream of being a teacher. An English teacher. I will teach them English literature and English poems. Poetry fascinates me a lot.I will shape the young minds of my students like my next door neighbour(the potter) makes pottery from that raw earth.

Anyways I talk a lot. I better sleep as I have to wake up early and bathe some buffalos. May Lord Hanuman bless you all!!

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Random Bullshit.

The one you love never loves you and the one who loves you you cannot love.Yes,Murphy has a true exponent in me.

Concept of love at first sight is crap.. I really fall for it everytime I travel by the Delhi bus Number 100.

There are people who read my blog's every post and every time their compliment goes like "I wasted my time". They r gonna read this one also.

There was one who read my blog and said " It is like Final Destination. The first parts were gud but the later parts we cud predict wats coming. hence i stopped reading." Dude, I know u wanted a mention in my coveted blog.You deserve it,Firaq!

The days I miss the most of my college was when we played soccer on the roof top in the rain. We used to wait for rain and ever always getting drenched in the rain has been slice of lyf to me.

When MJ died I felt the death of a connecting link.I was always mesmerized by the song "Heal the World" and I danced on the song dangerous on the stage in class 8th. One of the first music stars I ever adored. My very beginning of English music was gone and dead. Thats when I felt this pang.

Last times I went to the beach my slippers fell into the sea. But the sea returned it. My cell also fell into the sea. Sea returned it too.

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PS: There is a post script to all the stories and trust me its the best part of the story. Though I was into deep sea dropping things into the sea fully sloshed on frenship day, the very concept of friendship is pious to me. I have been gifted with best fens around. This post if for u guys who taught me to smile watever be it.

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Of fools and rats!!

Dear Reader,

Suddenly I feel I have too much of mental energy so I want it to drain that out. So I opted to write.Wow, wat a foolish utilization of extra energy.Obviously I know u wont go thru whole of wat I write. But think again do I care for u?

Anyways I dont have distinct topics to write about.I will talk of random things .Of fools and rats.Of money.Of pretense.Of people and at last of celebration of death.

Lemme begin with fools. They are in abundance, they are like rats.I dont like rats but most of the time I end up being one. I donno but I cant avoid being one. The rats wanted to be in the IITs, I too. The rats wanted to be in IIMs I too.I am a bigger rat I achieved wat I wanted. But now I dunno wat I want to be, but for sure rest of the rats want to earn money.

Off late people around me think that either I m always on weeds or I am in love with some girl who is a philosophy major or I am not getting proper sleep or I am faking 2 b somebody. Neither of them is true. They say this bcoz of the weird way I talk which confuses them. One of them even said that if I continue this way I will end up giving a quote of the millennium or century or even beyond.

Suddenly I picked up an ill feeling against piracy.Against pirated books, against pirated movies, against pirated music. I removed listening to music as a hobby from my resume because it has ceased to be a hobby. Its so easily available. Where is the scarcity and the marginal utility in listening to music? U get it for free.The value attached is gone. I am too selfish to care about those who dig music and the lesser revenue they get due to piracy. But ya for myself ,I am against piracy.

People are the most interesting things to me. The more complex ,the more interesting. I told you earlier that I like things I dont have or I dont am. I like artists of all forms-writers,dramatists,playwrights,musicians, choreographers.Many a times I feel I fight against them and U fight only against people who are superior to you. About the inferiors, you just beat them,no real fight's involved.

I had this dream where I was dancing around one dead corpse. I tried to refrain myself from doing so. But I danced so well that people around me forgot all the mourning and danced with me. Then Goddess(God to me is a female) came to me and says "This is the best thing you ever did, you celebrated the ultimate truth in the world-u celebrated death my son". Completely Weird naa.

Anyways now that all the energy I was brimming with is gone. I feel better.

For those who have read this far I pity you!

-vC

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This post has subliminal messages.

when u get more than u deserve.. u dont want to lose it.there is a fear..same goes with happiness..and one day fear overpowers happiness.

But dont worry its cyclic. Even happiness overpowers fear.


--Scribbled by Vikas Chandra

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Why do all hate him?

This guy cud be everybody's role model.He is different. But everybody hates him.I donno why because i tend to like this guy for he is different. He doesn't care.

Anyways I will put some points abt this guy and u decide whether is he worth hating?

1. Everybody says he is weird.But he says everyone is also weird.
2. He abuses a lot. Every sentence contains lots of F-word and he adds it to every part of speech he knows.
3. He doesn't drink.He doesn't smoke.No weed. Never. Probably guys like him do never need a high.
4. He always has a smirk on his face. An evil one.
5. He is lazy.He sleeps most of the tym.He quotes Beatles then:
Everybody seems to think I'm lazy
I don't mind, I think they're crazy
Running everywhere at such a speed
Till they find, there's no need
6.He is a fan of the club Hull City. If u dunno its one of the EPL clubs.
7.He only talks properly to his sister that too she is not of same blood as him. She was her school Junior and she prepared rakhi on Rakshabandhan to tie it one guy who rejected it. Suddenly she was weeping and this guy allowed her to tie it on her hand.


Thats it. I cud go on and on. But I m sure it wudn't fetch him much due wat he is worthy of.
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PS: I dont know why I wrote all this.

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The teacher

I was rummaging through my closet.
Then I found this note.
about 16 years old.

This note is about Ma'am Bhatia
My class teacher then.
It says

When I grow up
I would like to be you ma'am
A teacher.
I would also give some one
an expensive fountain pen
when his hand-writing is bad.
I would also give sweets to my children
when they spell the word bureaucracy right.
And when its their last day
I will bless them and say
Go, never ever die for a cause, just live for it.
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PS: Ma'am Bhatia was my first class teacher at Oak Grove,Mussoorie. She practically taught me everything from being nice to all to the mathematics-table-of-nineteen. I owe a lot to her and she was one of the most inspirational women I ever met.
Truly a bad teacher complains, a good teacher explains and the best teacher inspires.

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Tale of two girls

In my lyf I only dated two girls: one was undersmart and the other oversmart.

and trust me I loved undersmart more than the oversmart.

UNDERSMART: She was like-never understanding anything I said. She liked the latest bollywood songs with Sharukh in it.She laughed at every PJ I cracked. She liked my nose because its sharp. I remember she bought me a card for me worth Rs. 20 by paying worth Rs 100. just because shop-keeper duped her. I hated her because she compromised me everytime I was late for the date. She never read and she always tugged my Tshirt wen we passed by any bollywood movie poster.She was a teetotaler rather a gud passive smoker I shud say.

OVERSMART: She always intervened in my talks, enquired about everything. All my gud jokes were like PJ to her. She had read Mein Kampf and boasted about it.She demanded the diamond ear-ring wen i cud afford the golden for her.She had the notion that boys dont cry. And all men wanted to sleep with the girl they ever dated.A self proclaimed feminist she was. She used to smoke as a symbol for emancipation of the women soul.

Anyways both were really gorgeous women--the two women who ever entered my life. Today I miss them both. One needed learning and other unlearning.I cud do that both. But i didn't want to destroy their purity. They were pure and pristine!!!!!!!!!!

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The Crap Couple

There was this-crap guy..who talked nothing but crap(bakwaas in hindi) and then there was this girl who also talked nothing but crap.

They were the only two people in the world whose lives were untouched by the financial recession.They considered money as their biggest competitor and they always said there's no bigger crap than money. So they rejoiced the downfall of their competitor. They thanked their friends(read-MBAs) who helped them in such a downfall and even asked them to form a cartel.A cartel of gassing(another term for crap).

But then, they had their own world of pot,alcohol,coke,brown sugar,hash, etcetera.

One day their worlds collided and they met in a mall. They were the only two people smiling in the mall apart from the popcorn sellers at the multiplex(gawd they earn so much).

They had the aura around them and the people feared them.They cud mock at anybody and laugh at them.In short they were two crazy people untarnished.

Now when they met it was like a lightning and then they talked and gibbered and no one understood.

It was like Emily Bronte met Mario Puzo.

The king of crap and the queen of crap then finally did something. All around people cud hear that sound but still they cudn't see wat happened because of the blazing light coming from the two.

Later they knew they slapped each other for not having met before.

watta crap!!!

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PS: I m really sorry to two legends-Emily Bronte and Mario Puzo for dragging them into such a cess-pool(my blog).

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