Kundera, a consultant, Friday and an ideal girl!!

My friend stores in his cellphone only the photographs of his ex-girlfriends. And of only those girls who were externally beautiful (I can't comment on the internal beauty because I am not aware of it).By externally beautiful I mean they had nice features, large eyes, pointed nose, pouted lips, thin-long neck,good jawline etc.
And every time he met a new girl he showed them the same photos of all his ex-girlfriends. I asked him why did he do it? Why did he show those pics to those beautiful girls. Every time he had the same reply that " You fool, Kundera says that girls don't go for guys who are handsome instead they go for guys who once had beautiful women!!"

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I miss my school days- and the part which I miss as well as silently laugh about was being a proud love consultant ..Probably thats wat comes easy to each one of us- love consulting, solving (or further-complicating) friend's love issues (however we may suck when it comes to consulting our own love issues)...And due to absence of phones and e-mails, love letter writing was an integral part of consulting... I, like an adept love consultant, used to imbibe the likes and dislikes of my client's girlfriend in the long letters... If she liked DDLJ i made sure to include quotes like "bade bade sheher mein chhoti chhoti baatein hoti rehti hain" or if she had finer tastes like Casablanca I ensured quotes like " Here's looking at you, kid".

But one day, one of my naive friends did not understand the importance of my role (that of a love consultant) and he wrote a letter by himself and that too without consulting me..He pushed down his choice of Titanic down his girlfriend's neck by addressing her Rose..and then and there the "love" ended in a fiasco!!

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Thanks to the corporate life,some people have stopped seeking money or happiness or love or peace or truth..In longer run they might seek anything, but in a shorter time span, they all seek is a Friday evening...Some of them even orgasm at the idea of a Friday evening..If u ask a person abt his short term goals he will pop up the same crap of wanting to go up the corporate ladder by contributing to the organisation but trust me all he will seek is a Friday evening when he can actually go and relish a perpetual escape of Fable, Art, God, Socialism, Immortality, Alcohol, Love....

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Few days back I had blogged about my ideal girl..But that was more in a lighter vein or to say that was meant to be relished by a different target group.
But now the places have changed, I have lost so much and gained so much..my perception about an ideal girl has "evolved" to wat Kundera describes about Eva:
"Eva is a cheerful man-chaser. But she doesn't chase them to marry them. She chases them the way men chase women.Not love but only friendship and sensuality exist for her. So she has many friends: men r not afraid she wants to marry them, and women have no fear she is seeking them to deprive them of a husband. Besides if she ever married her husband would be a friend she would allow everything to and demand nothing from."


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Everytime I go home

Hailing from a small town is just another thing, but visiting it after long is an experience -a hilarious one though. You witness the slow pace of life compared to the cities, the bondage amongst the people and the vast growing urban-rural divide.
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Everytime I go home, my mom takes me to an astrologer who has a poster of John Lennon hung on a wall. He seems to have lost interest in money making rat race of the cities and chose to follow his passion of astrology. But I donno how correct he predicts things as everytime I meet him, his predictions change and the maximum change occurs in the prediction of my wife-to-be. Earlier she used to be a nagging, arrogant woman and now he predicts her to be a rural simpleton.

Everytime I go home, one of my dad's friends would bring his son for career counselling and I would have to behave all polite and as a genuine role model of the youth of my town. He would ask me open ended questions like "How to crack CAT" or "How to crack IITJEE". And I would start my preachings about dreams and motivation which I am sure would put all the self-help book writers to shame.

Everytime I go home, in a train I would meet certain people who would be more interested in what others are doing. They would come and have a look at my novel and ask for which competition exam I was studying or would comment on the price of the book.

Everytime I go home, one of my dad's friend would get his son to be examined from me as in where he stands on the path to be an engineer. And then I would ask a patented question from him which would be like "A 100-metre runner accelerates for first 4 seconds at the rate of 6 metre per second square and blah blah. Find the distance covered" And he would go all ballistic on the question and use all physics formula and end up with some vague answer or would say the data is incomplete. And I would say to read the question again as a 100-metre runner would run 100 metres. The mantra being to study smart. I know thats a foolish assumption that a 100 meter can only run 100 mtrs, but as long as people buy it, it works.

Everytime I go home, a relative aunty of mine or a neighbour aunty would come and brag about her role in my genteel upbringing and how much I used to loved her when I was a kid. She would say about all the kiddish stuff I used to do when i was little (which I am sure all kids do),making all the faces and would laugh out loud on my otherwise bored face. And now her only dream would be to play with my kids on her laps. Blah.

Everytime I go home, all the uncles would ask for my package. And after listening to my real package, they would comment "so less. one of my nephews is in merchant navy and he earns far more, wat was the use of IIM" or "in the newspapers they say that IIM grads earn in crores, seems like u did not study much"..
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Above all of it, home is the best place to go. The comfort, the pampering, the care, the royal treatment, the role model personification makes it all a heaven.

PS: All the above sentences beginning with 'everytime I go home' has been purposefully hyped to bring some laugh in your otherwise morose life.

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