Everytime I go home

Hailing from a small town is just another thing, but visiting it after long is an experience -a hilarious one though. You witness the slow pace of life compared to the cities, the bondage amongst the people and the vast growing urban-rural divide.
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Everytime I go home, my mom takes me to an astrologer who has a poster of John Lennon hung on a wall. He seems to have lost interest in money making rat race of the cities and chose to follow his passion of astrology. But I donno how correct he predicts things as everytime I meet him, his predictions change and the maximum change occurs in the prediction of my wife-to-be. Earlier she used to be a nagging, arrogant woman and now he predicts her to be a rural simpleton.

Everytime I go home, one of my dad's friends would bring his son for career counselling and I would have to behave all polite and as a genuine role model of the youth of my town. He would ask me open ended questions like "How to crack CAT" or "How to crack IITJEE". And I would start my preachings about dreams and motivation which I am sure would put all the self-help book writers to shame.

Everytime I go home, in a train I would meet certain people who would be more interested in what others are doing. They would come and have a look at my novel and ask for which competition exam I was studying or would comment on the price of the book.

Everytime I go home, one of my dad's friend would get his son to be examined from me as in where he stands on the path to be an engineer. And then I would ask a patented question from him which would be like "A 100-metre runner accelerates for first 4 seconds at the rate of 6 metre per second square and blah blah. Find the distance covered" And he would go all ballistic on the question and use all physics formula and end up with some vague answer or would say the data is incomplete. And I would say to read the question again as a 100-metre runner would run 100 metres. The mantra being to study smart. I know thats a foolish assumption that a 100 meter can only run 100 mtrs, but as long as people buy it, it works.

Everytime I go home, a relative aunty of mine or a neighbour aunty would come and brag about her role in my genteel upbringing and how much I used to loved her when I was a kid. She would say about all the kiddish stuff I used to do when i was little (which I am sure all kids do),making all the faces and would laugh out loud on my otherwise bored face. And now her only dream would be to play with my kids on her laps. Blah.

Everytime I go home, all the uncles would ask for my package. And after listening to my real package, they would comment "so less. one of my nephews is in merchant navy and he earns far more, wat was the use of IIM" or "in the newspapers they say that IIM grads earn in crores, seems like u did not study much"..
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Above all of it, home is the best place to go. The comfort, the pampering, the care, the royal treatment, the role model personification makes it all a heaven.

PS: All the above sentences beginning with 'everytime I go home' has been purposefully hyped to bring some laugh in your otherwise morose life.